Writing Log 9

This paper was a lot different form the last two especially because I feel like I had more knowledge on writing and a lot to think about when revising my paper, such as was it concise and did I have good sentence variation.
When revising my paper I really tried to make it concise but had trouble deciding what to get rid of. I also felt that since my final draft was longer than my first draft that it wasn't as concise, but I think this is because I added more to my paper before editing it for concision. Also I felt my paper was lacking in some detail in the first draft.

I think adding the outside sources that I did will help the audience to be able to relate and understand my paper a little bit better because not everyone has a background on some of the things I mentioned. I thought it was important to sort of fill in the gaps for reader who would not share the same knowledge I had growing up as a child.

I also tried to show more instead of tell. I added some more imagery and tried to appeal to the senses in my final draft. I really struggled with this part and I'm not sure I did too well with it. I think it is also difficult going from reading amazing essays by writers such as Tan, Douglas, and Welty and then read my essay in comparison. In my future writing I think I will have to work on showing the reader instead of just telling them.