Color Blind Love

Like dissolves like is a term commonly used in Chemistry to describe how solutes are dissolved in a solvent. Although this term was not intended to describe society, I think it does a pretty good job; for the most part, people of one race are generally surrounded by people of the same race. This also hold true for dating. Even if interracial couples are becoming more and more common, it is still not as common to see an interracial couple as it is to see a couple of the same race. In fact, until recently, this was unheard of and looked down upon, and it is still viewed as taboo by some people today.

Nowadays people in my generation do not think of interracial marriage as being illegal, especially since the spotlight has switched to gay marriage rights. However, until fairly recently, this issue was highly debatable. In fact, in a piece recently written by Brent Staples, writer for the New York Times and author of Just Walk on By, an essay recently studied in class, he said, “Americans born in the 21st century will shake their heads in disbelief on learning that 40 states once had laws prohibiting interracial marriage (Staples, par 1).” As Staples points out, to some people the idea of interracial marriage being illegal may seem unreal, and to me it seems a little bit unfathomable. Being brought up without these laws and restrictions makes me question why they were even in affect in the first place.

The root of this law goes back to the mid 1600’s shortly after the founding of America and the beginning of the slave trade. According to a historian for the Smithsonian, Eddie Becker, Maryland was the first state to make marriage between a white female and a black male illegal in 1664 (Becker, par 44). This law stayed active for over 300 years until 1967. The court case that overturned this law was Loving v. Virginia (Staples, par. 2). There was a man and a woman by the names of Richard and Mildred Loving who were from a place called Caroline County in Virginia, which is actually the county that neighbors the one I currently live in. This means that it has only been forty years since this law was lifted. It goes to show the amount of progress that has been made by the U.S. since then, and is comparable to Rodriguez’s essay that discusses a mixing of races.

Being involved with interracial dating is not as easy as it may seem. Just because something is legal, does not make it accepted by everyone. The thing that makes interracial dating most challenging is that the view point of it is split so widely especially between two generations. There is the generation of our parents, who grew up learning the idea was considered wrong, illegal, and unacceptable; then, there is our generation where it is more widely accepted but still not accepted by all. There are also many special cases where people have mixed feelings. An example of this I have personally experienced is a lot of White males will not think much of it for a white girl to date an Asian or a Hispanic, yet they will be repulsed to see a White girl with a Black male. Another example of people with mixed feelings on this topic is when a White male will date a Black female, yet look down on a White girl with a Black male.

However, the thing I find most challenging about this dilemma is the issue of family. Sometimes the parents approve of interracial dating with no problem or rejections, while other parents find it unacceptable. In a study done by the University of Pennsylvania and Cornell University, Hongyu Wang said, “We hypothesize that adolescents in an interracial relationship perceive less support from their families than adolescents in intraracial relationships, therefore, they are more likely to experience relationship dissolution” (Joyner, Kao, Wang 439). I can definitely relate to this through my own experiences. It does strain a relationship knowing that it is not supported by your family. It can put your significant other in an uncomfortable situation especially when they are around your family and also make you feel uneasy when you are by yourself with your family.

When I went through this problem myself all I wanted was for my family to accept that fact that I was happy with the person I was dating and that there should be no reason why I would not be allowed to date him. Although he was Black, he was still a good person and was also a star athlete and on the Honor Roll. The thing that bothered me most on this issue was the fact that I knew if he were White my parents would think he was a great catch, but instead they chose to fall into the ways of society.

The reason my parents were so hesitant to let me date anyone of another race was because they were brought up in families that would prohibit such behavior. For example, my father was not allowed to have his best friend, a Black male, as his best man because my mother’s parents were not in favor of this type of integration. Instead he was forced to choose another man, and they insisted he was White.

Another reason for their reluctance was that they were afraid of how society would view me. Everyday people in interracial relationships face a society where complete strangers will make comments, talk behind their backs, or simply glare at them because they are with someone else of a different race. Wang also said “To make their relationship successful, individuals involved in interracial relationships must learn how to manage public harassment such as evaluative, hostile, and discriminatory actions from strangers in the public” (Joyner, Kao, Wang 440 ). To me this is shocking how complete strangers will judge a situation where they have no insight at all. This is the type of society my parents grew up in, where this behavior was considered intolerable. Although this still happens a lot today it is usually more by older generations.

One thing that really helped my family to be more accepting of interracial dating can be related to Hurston’s brown bag idea. Once they stopped thinking like society and actually got to know any of the boys I had chosen to date, they realized there is no difference between a White male and a Black male except for the color of their skin and the stereotypes that society gives them. Now they do not acknowledge anyone I date as having a race, rather they are a person just like everyone else.

Something that has made interracial dating more acceptable in society is the fact that there are so many people who are products of interracial marriages. If someone is a mix of two races, it is difficult for them to be against this idea. Mixed race people have become very successful in society today. Some celebrities that are of mixed race include Mariah Carey, Vin Diesel, The Rock, Derek Jeter, and Barack Obama.

With society making such huge advances in becoming more integrated I do not think it will be much longer until interracial relationships are accepted by everyone in the U.S., especially judging by the progress that can be seen by examining Lincon, King, Hurston, and Rodriguez’s essays.







Work Cited

Becker, Eddie. “Chronology on the History of Slavery: 1619-1789.” Holt House. Web. 6 July
2009.

Staples, Brent. “Loving v. Virginia and the Secret History of Race.” The New York Times.
14 May 2008. Print.

Joyner, Kara; Kao, Grace; Wang, Hingyu. “Stability of Interracial and Intraracial Romantic
Relationships Among Adolescents.” 7 December 2004. Cornell University and University of
Pennsylvania. Web. 6 July 2009.